Esquire: What You've Learned

I have a slight obsession with magazines. A good time for me is having a few hours to kill and happening upon a Barnes & Noble or Border's. Just seeing the magazine rack gives me the shakes. Anyway, one of my favorite magazines, Esquire, always has a one page "interview" with a celebrity in which they state some of the worldly advice they want to share based on their life's experiences. I came across an issue where Esquire turned the tables and asked their readers some nuggets of advice to share with the rest of the readership. My top ten favorites, and some damn fine words to live by, are:

Most Greeks have never visited the Parthenon. Most French people rarely look at the Eiffel Tower. How many New Yorkers have actually visited the Statue of Liberty? Everyone wants to enter someone else's monument. That's why men will never stop cheating on their wives. --Kostas Farmakis, 32, Athens, Greece

Don't bore people with skydiving stories. They know the ending. --Patrick Rynell, 33, Chicago

You can't live off of yesterday's orgasms. --Miggs Burroughs, 58, Westport, Connecticut

One of the things women claim is most important in a man is a sense of humor. In my years as a comedian, I've learned that they're usually referring to the humor of guys like Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, and Russell Crowe. Apparently, those guys are hilarious. --Jimi McFarland, 43, Denver

Conflict causes clarity. --Scott Messer, 49, St. Petersburg, Florida

I regret the times I resisted telling someone, "Go fuck yourself" a lot more than the times I didn't. --Bob Drake, 58, Loveladies, New Jersey

Keith Richards has been my Dead-Guy Pool pick since 1974. I've lost more money on that son of a bitch than any stock I've ever owned. --John Carr, 46, Washington, D.C.

If a woman says her friend is pretty, she's fat. If a woman says her friend is hot, she's hot. --Paul Ridley, 50, Minneapolis

An essential part of growing up is learning to dislike the feeling of getting away with something. --Warren Gamache, 33, Edmonton, Alberta

Everything before the but is bullshit. --Jordan Wallens, 32, Los Feliz, California

The only thing I ever got from doing free work was an opportunity to do more free work. --Barry Friedman, 47, Tulsa